Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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