Screwed.edu
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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