Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
