Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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