He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
