He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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