i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
