Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize