He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
