I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
