so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
