my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
