wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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