so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
