I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
