My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
In America we eat man semen.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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