So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Barsexuality is the new black.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
