I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
