2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
