If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
