I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
