u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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