Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
