why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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