I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
