I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
