My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I wear drunk well.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
