Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize