So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
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Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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