Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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