i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
