Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
