All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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