i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
