I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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