Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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