So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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