Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
