If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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