you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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