there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
