plz talk dirty to me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
