I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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