Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
soo... how was my night?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
