Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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