He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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