maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
