Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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