my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize