I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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