If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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