Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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