I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
