if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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