she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
