Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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