mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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