you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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