The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
