it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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