Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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