is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
FUCK WHALES
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