Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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