my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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