those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hippo gnu deer
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
