just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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